The Family

The Family
For Christmas 2010

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Coming Off The Ventilator...Again

About 5 days after Nathan had been put back on the ventilator, it was decided it was a good time to go ahead and give it another try.  After he had been put back just a few days prior, it was discovered that he had some type of infection.  So he was moved to an isolation room to prevent whatever it was from spreading to other babies in his room.  We also suspected that the infection was a contributing factor to Nathan not being able to stay off the ventilator.

With the infection now cleared up, we hoped that Nathan would be able to make a better go of it this time.  But not withstanding our hopes, Bekah had a bad feeling about them taking Nathan off the ventilator so soon after the infection.  I didn't necessarily have a bad feeling, but I did think that the nurse on duty that day did seem to be a little too "eager" to get Nathan off the ventilator.  It felt almost as if she thought it had to be done right then or who knows what would happen.

So just after 3pm, they took Nathan off the ventilator again.  And it did not go well at all.  As soon as the tube was out, Nathan started having troubles.  He was really struggling and just couldn't calm down.  The nurse gave him some sedation to try and help, his breathing became really, really shallow.  To try and help him again, they turned him from laying on his back to laying on his stomach.  But once he was on his stomach, he almost stopped breathing altogether.

It was so excruciatingly painful to watch him struggling for breath....struggling for life...and knowing that you can't do anything to help.  The sight was more than enough to literally make you sick.  We wanted to flee, run away, hide.  But at the same time, we had stay.  You can't not stay.  You have to be there.

It wrenches your heart to stay and watch and it wrenches your heart to not be there knowing what is happening.  Ugh.

After Nathan wasn't responding to any treatments, the decision was quickly made to put him back on the ventilator.

Was this a step backward?  From 17 hours to about 1?  And not a good 1 at that.  What was it going to take to get him off?

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