Deciding How To Move Forward

We were scheduled to meet with Dr. Ball again in 2 weeks.

As each day and went by, we spent a lot of time praying, talking, hoping, and crying. Knowing that the life of your unborn child is in danger tends to help put a lot of things into perspective for you. But at the same time, it rips and tears at your very soul. Especially when the outlook is not at all very good.

All the things you imagine doing with your child – playing and laughing and watching him grow and learn – have a real possibility of not occurring. Not going to the park, not playing catch, not cheering him on as he wins the state championship, not…well I’m sure you get the picture.

One night I decided to have a talk with my unborn son. And while I was addressing him, I was also talking to myself and to my wife. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it went something like this:

“Son, I don’t know how much you’re aware of what’s been going on, but you’re not doing so well. The doctors tell us that you’re pretty sick. Quite sick actually. Sick enough to put you life in danger.

“As you body was developing, for some reason it just decided to skip the part that tells it to completely make your diaphragm. As a result, you have a hole there. The hole has allowed your stomach, liver, and intestines to move up into your chest.

“You likely don’t notice it now. It shouldn’t cause you any pain. It won’t affect how you grow over the next couple of months. But when you’re born, it can cause a lot of problems then. It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not your mom’s fault. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just the nature of the world that we live in.

“Son, don’t think that because you’re sick that we love you any less. We pray for you every night and every morning and many, many times throughout the day. We pray that Heavenly Father will grant us the opportunity to raise you and pray that we will be the type of parents that you will need to teach you how to be a good and righteous person.

“We will do everything we can do for you, Son, and have faith in the rest.”

After a few minutes to recompose ourselves, we spoke verbally for the first time many thoughts and feelings that we had each had in our hearts and minds, but were to afraid to say out loud. Mostly, how were we going to proceed from here?

We decided that we HAD TO go forward believing that our baby boy was going to survive. It was necessary for our faith, well-being, and sanity to go forward believing and hoping that things were going to work out the way we were hoping and praying that they would, even though we knew that there was a very real possibility that they might not.